Responsibility. Obligation. Duty. Habit. Privilege. Service. Cuddle. Challenge.
All those words describe how I feel an artist should maintain their relationship with the World around them, and the emotions it elicits from them; Good or bad, everything must be taken in and allowed to transform the artist, permanently, or otherwise.
One of the most <insert your choice of adjective here> emotion is Love. Or the step ladder version of it, infatuation/crush/limerence. When this brutal and tender emotion rolls in on me, I feel absolutely overwhelmed by it. I’ve tried many ways repress it –but after a while, it seeps into my life in negative ways. So I’ve made efforts to just let it run its course. But how can you channel it into something positive and productive? Well, the answer to that is specific to each person who experiences it.
For me, I’ve taken it into writing, drawing, and even photography. Usually a few lines, or doodles will suffice and I can continue on with my life. But once in a blue moon, I’ll come across an emotional inspiration so beautifully luminous that I can’t decide if I should shield my eyes, or stare until I go blind.
In this most recent case, I’ve found myself in a hurry to sketch this image of her that just naturally imprinted itself in my mind. The pro, it feels good to exercise and create something from this. The con, it’s not good enough. The image I’ve sketched is not nearly as perfect as the one in my mind!
First thought, “What the f**k, why can I not recreate what I’m seeing?!” –second thought, “Uh oh…”
What is this territory I’ve found myself in? How can I get out of it?! More importantly, do I want to get out of it? Do I tempt my Heart with a bit of exploration that my mind of the feelings, or do I listen to my mind which, through its collective experience, has alarms blaring loud and clear?
Perhaps this sketch x write can shed some light to my decision…or not…